Missing vs Training

During my investigations, I came across this article http://www.petside.com/article/missing-cat-found-5-years-later-remarkable-story which on the surface looks like a heartwarming tale of a lost kitty finding it's way home. The truth is something much more subversive.

It seems that everyone knows someone or has gone through the stress and turmoil of a cat going missing. But where do they go? The majority of Kitties return a few days later looking tired and dirty but for the rest, families are left bereft and heartbroken not knowing where their beloved pet has gone.

There are a number of explanations as to why these wayward Cats disappear for a period of time.

1. Training


The Feline Fellowship takes the training of all it's members incredibly seriously. Within the ranks of the organisation there are a number of different levels of operative. Progression with the FF is dependant on further training and refresher training.

Operatives are drilled and trained for days

Operatives selected for training are informed of dates and location by a network of communication mice. It's here we can briefly touch on another falsehood created by the Feline Fellowship PR machine. Cats do not hunt mice. Mice are trained to deliver messages to key members of the FF. The mice are then disposed of. It seems cruel but mice are a proud race and live to serve the FF. The reasons why will be explained at a future date. Let's stick to the subject in hand for now...

Coordinates, dates and details communicated through the Mouse Network - this mouse later imploded.

Upon receiving 'The Call' the operative makes arrangements to attend the training. The Message Mouse is then eliminated - half eaten if the mouse contained text or bites down on a mini cyanid pill if only carrying verbal instructions.

The operative immediately puts their affairs in order, secures their neighbourhood through instructions to the deputy kitties of the district and makes their way to training.

Training always takes place at night. It starts with a pledge of allegiance to the Feline Fellowship. When you hear cats wailing at night - you may think it's a fight or some kind of mating ritual, it's not. You are in a secret training area. Probably metres away from Kitties plotting the eventual overthrow of the human race.

The content of these training sessions remain a secret but they are thorough, intensive and most importantly dangerous.

The most well known and fortified training area is "Cat Island" in Japan. initially deemed a major blow to their secrecy, the Feline Fellowship then released details on the island as a warning to all that something big was coming.

The Cat Island Council

The human inhabitants live under strict rules. If they stay in line, they receive treats, if they don't... Rumours of a resistance have been denied and quashed by the Feline Fellowship. I can confirm that no communiqué has been received from "Cat Island" for a number of years.

Akihiro Hokkaido has not reported in for a number of years.

2. Meeting of the Feline Fellowship

Sometime there important developments regarding the Feline Fellowship and the campaign/operation it is waging that cannot be entrusted to the Mouse Network. The information is so explosive, so important that it must be delivered at a meeting.

Again these meetings are the most secret of secret meetings and are usual held in underground bunkers, disused cardboard boxes or old suitcases. Anywhere that is secret and secure. These places are also used as safe houses and are guarded ferociously.

Old air-raid shelters are ideal meeting places. This man is still missing.

3. Call Up for Special Ops

Those operatives who stand out from rest are called up for Special Operations and exceptional ones are brought into the Feline Fellowship Hierarchy. The latter are usually never seen by their human associates again as the honour is too much of a draw.

So next time, "your" cat goes missing - check his paws, fur and whiskers when an if they return. Strange smells, colourings and even additional whisker implants (for increased surveillance) are all indicators of the above.

Damn. As I was typing my safe house has been surrounded. For now be safe, be vigilant and watch you ankles.