A few years ago, I was sat watching television. Looking out of my window I saw the usual neighbourhood cats miaowing around, taking their evening constitutionals. I thought nothing of it. those were my innocent days. Days when I thought a Kitty was just a Kitty. Those days seem like years ago. A few years ago. Oh, they are a few years ago - hence me saying it at the start. Needless to say these were the days before I knew anything about the Feline Fellowship.
So back to the television. The programme I was watching (not important) ended and the evening news began. There were two separate reports about an earthquake and a flood. As I watched the harrowing scenes on the news reports, something kept catching my eye. Every two or three shots in the report I began to notice cats. There, just miaowing around. Watching. I put these observations down to lack of sleep/tiredness, too much grog and dismissed my fears.
Next morning, I started to notice cats, everywhere. More and more. Watching. The street, the road, peoples houses, under cars, in trees. Something had stirred inside me. I'd woken up. I'd started to notice them. I watched every news bulletin that day about every story and there they were. Watching. But now it wasn't as if they were watching, it was as if they were part of it. Observing. Orchestrating. Checking on progress. My mind started to spin. Was going mad?
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| Saved or Surveying? |
I decided I needed to investigate more. But things were hotting up in my neighbourhood. The local Kitterati kept spraying my door. I'd find dead mice and birds left on my doorstep. These weren't gifts as we are lead to believe these are warnings! I had to get out.
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| The milkman wore shin pads! |
One morning soon after I was cornered by a black cat determined to cross my path. I wasn't going to let him. We were playing a tense game of strategic chess. Him the black king, me the white queen...erm...just go with it... Suddenly I was bundled into a white Fiat Uno (not the one you're thinking!)
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| Artists impression (real car protected) |
I was taken to a secret location where I was met others concerned about Kitty Prominence at a coffee morning. It was there and then I decided to take on the role I knew would one day kill me but was necessary for humanity. I'll reveal more about my induction, training and welcome lunch another time. All you need to know for now is that I was set on a course by tens of people willing to back me financially and I haven't looked back since. Well, actually, I look back quite a bit as I know that the Kitties are following me.
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| We fearless few |
The world is now my hiding place as I gather more and more evidence. But what to do with it. The kitties have influence everywhere!
Damn! I must fly! The early warning catnip enable device has been triggered. I have to change location. Next time, I will provide hard evidence of The Plan in full swing, but for now, be safe, be vigilant and watch your ankles.
