Feline Fellowship Finance

The world is in economic crisis, this much we know but the Feline Fellowship (whom I suspect of engineering most of the world's problems) will never feel the fiscal pinch of austerity. Why? You may ask, and so you should. There are a number of reasons:

The Feline Fellowship has a hoard of treasure and Gold that would make a Swiss bank vault weep. We must remember that the FF has been around for thousands of years and made use of that time very wisely. Whilst early European traders were using salt as currency, these Kitties were already seeking out precious metal and stones, refining them and storing them away. The Fellowship treasures are kept n secret underground vaults all over the world and only the most senior Financial Felines have the codes to get in.

Fort Knox borrowed secrets from the Feline Fellowship

The Feline Fellowship became so adept at financial management that when human banking began to emerge they called upon Kitties for help in procedural structures. Several banking institutions still have cats as secret board members, ones that have rejected or tried to get rid of their Kitties have suffered severe loses and acquired so called Toxic Debt. Those banks that have been bailed out by Governments have actually been bailed out by the Feline Fellowship, a further step in regaining and keeping control of the worlds infrastructure.

Swiss Bankers await the arrival of a Financial Feline - they were later fired and never heard of again.

Another lucrative way that the FF acquires finance is food. Have you ever wondered why the cat that lives with you is so fussy about their food? Cats as consumers a fiercely loyal to their favourite brands. Trying to get them to change is next to impossible. The reason for this is that not only is each flavour developed for a specific breed (clan) of cat, but also the financial implications are a major factor. 

Shelves upon shelves of money for the Feline Fellowship

Manufacturers of Cat food (and all other pet food) are obliged by an ancient law to give a percentage (undisclosed) of their profits to the Feline Fellowship. They disguise these payments as 'Charitable Donations' which in certain countries allows them tax breaks. It works for the company because it works for the FF. These donations are worth Billions of currency each year, all tax free.

There is a link between brand and cat but at the moment the puzzle is too difficult to figure out. However what is for sure is that the FF have employed highly qualified scientific chefs to formulate flavours and recipes. 

A FF Chef with (l-r) Chicken, Salmon and Beef solutions. 

There is a school of thought that certain brands and flavours are laced with a toxin that allows complete control of all FF members. Those members that do not follow as they should or develop rebel tendencies are "dealt with". The most common cover up is to blame a kitties demise on Kidney failure. Vets have links to the Fellowship, but I have yet to find one who is willing to talk.

I should apologise for my silence over the past month or so. Necessity caused me to seek refuge, however I am very close to gaining an insight into the FF from a genuine high ranking member. For now though; be safe, be vigilant and watch your ankles!

Missing vs Training

During my investigations, I came across this article http://www.petside.com/article/missing-cat-found-5-years-later-remarkable-story which on the surface looks like a heartwarming tale of a lost kitty finding it's way home. The truth is something much more subversive.

It seems that everyone knows someone or has gone through the stress and turmoil of a cat going missing. But where do they go? The majority of Kitties return a few days later looking tired and dirty but for the rest, families are left bereft and heartbroken not knowing where their beloved pet has gone.

There are a number of explanations as to why these wayward Cats disappear for a period of time.

1. Training


The Feline Fellowship takes the training of all it's members incredibly seriously. Within the ranks of the organisation there are a number of different levels of operative. Progression with the FF is dependant on further training and refresher training.

Operatives are drilled and trained for days

Operatives selected for training are informed of dates and location by a network of communication mice. It's here we can briefly touch on another falsehood created by the Feline Fellowship PR machine. Cats do not hunt mice. Mice are trained to deliver messages to key members of the FF. The mice are then disposed of. It seems cruel but mice are a proud race and live to serve the FF. The reasons why will be explained at a future date. Let's stick to the subject in hand for now...

Coordinates, dates and details communicated through the Mouse Network - this mouse later imploded.

Upon receiving 'The Call' the operative makes arrangements to attend the training. The Message Mouse is then eliminated - half eaten if the mouse contained text or bites down on a mini cyanid pill if only carrying verbal instructions.

The operative immediately puts their affairs in order, secures their neighbourhood through instructions to the deputy kitties of the district and makes their way to training.

Training always takes place at night. It starts with a pledge of allegiance to the Feline Fellowship. When you hear cats wailing at night - you may think it's a fight or some kind of mating ritual, it's not. You are in a secret training area. Probably metres away from Kitties plotting the eventual overthrow of the human race.

The content of these training sessions remain a secret but they are thorough, intensive and most importantly dangerous.

The most well known and fortified training area is "Cat Island" in Japan. initially deemed a major blow to their secrecy, the Feline Fellowship then released details on the island as a warning to all that something big was coming.

The Cat Island Council

The human inhabitants live under strict rules. If they stay in line, they receive treats, if they don't... Rumours of a resistance have been denied and quashed by the Feline Fellowship. I can confirm that no communiqué has been received from "Cat Island" for a number of years.

Akihiro Hokkaido has not reported in for a number of years.

2. Meeting of the Feline Fellowship

Sometime there important developments regarding the Feline Fellowship and the campaign/operation it is waging that cannot be entrusted to the Mouse Network. The information is so explosive, so important that it must be delivered at a meeting.

Again these meetings are the most secret of secret meetings and are usual held in underground bunkers, disused cardboard boxes or old suitcases. Anywhere that is secret and secure. These places are also used as safe houses and are guarded ferociously.

Old air-raid shelters are ideal meeting places. This man is still missing.

3. Call Up for Special Ops

Those operatives who stand out from rest are called up for Special Operations and exceptional ones are brought into the Feline Fellowship Hierarchy. The latter are usually never seen by their human associates again as the honour is too much of a draw.

So next time, "your" cat goes missing - check his paws, fur and whiskers when an if they return. Strange smells, colourings and even additional whisker implants (for increased surveillance) are all indicators of the above.

Damn. As I was typing my safe house has been surrounded. For now be safe, be vigilant and watch you ankles.

One Sign, A Number of Meanings.

Primarily that this is a CCZ (Cat Controlled Zone).

Beware - CCZ

Let's get this straight right from the start - Cats are NOT afraid of Dogs. They look down on them in every way. However the human/dog alliance is something that needs to be addressed and the Feline Fellowship have been working on a propaganda campaign for hundreds of years.

You never read articles about Cats mauling people in the street because they don't want you to. They control the media. Everything you now about Dogs or think you know has come from the Feline Fellowship.

A Work of Psychotic Genius

The Feline Fellowship bankrolled the 1957 movie of 'Old Yeller' as a warning to Dogs getting too comfortable at being "mans best friend" and also to humans to beware of their "best friends" turning on them. It remains as one of the finest pieces of psychological propaganda ever made.

Banned by the Feline Fellowship

The FF were so incensed and angered by the 1990 film 'Dances with Wolves' that not only was Kevin Costner blacklisted by them, they set about ruining his career. He remained sceptical of their threats until the 1997 movie, 'The Postman' ended up being nothing short of a swan song. Coming so soon after 'Waterworld' Costner eventually conceded that he had made a mistake with 'Dances with Wolves' and is now under house arrest and reconditioning from the FF's Entertainment Division.

Blacklisted

I will flag up more of these abuses of media as and when I can. There are examples from art and literature stretching back way before Kevin Costner but time now is limited, so for now be safe, be vigilant and watch your ankles.